Yes, well the words “Epic Failure” are ringing in my head, bouncing back and forth across the void between my ears.  This relates to why I have posted so infrequently and why the excellent writing projects that I’ve begun and even committed to have gone begging.

Now calling them excellent may be a bit of a hopeful valuation, but if you are reading this perhaps you feel as I do.  I’ve got to say that I love my world of Tir na Nua, I want to paint my world of Tir na Nua, I want to share my world of Tir na Nua. 

So I feel like a complete idiot for being seduced by Writing dot Com.  I’ve so little time to write, so reviewing and doing contests is clearly not what I aught to do, it disipates me.  Beyond even the tasks of writing is the research that leads to what I want to write.  Instead I’ve spent time trying to gather information to write stories that I don’t actually care about.

I have a lot of illusions (had planned to say I don’t have any illusions but I realize that I am probably rife with them) but a claim to writing excellence is not currently one of them.  I know I need to work on my craft, my story-telling skill, my clarity. 

That is part of what I wanted to do at Writing dot Com.  I think my instincts, my realization of need, was correct.  At times I really suck as a writer.   Unfortunately, sometimes I don’t even realize when I’m sucking and when I might be tickling something that is of actual value.  Sometimes I discover how truly vomitous my writing can be while re-reading something that I thought was pretty good.

It is all part of what this blog is supposed to be, my process, my development, my journey.  Have I drifted into the vomitous?  I think perhaps I have.  But I need to get back to what I want to do with the little time I have to do it.  That includes writing on the projects I’ve begun.  I do think that I should re-work some of what I wrote that stinks.

So this is my confession.  I’m an idiot.  I hope to be more focused.  I’ve known I needed that for a month and yet failed to effect the proper changes.  Maybe now I can.  I’ve just finished George R. R. Martin’s latest and though it only left me wanting more it did help me realize that I really want to write on my projects.  The world of Tir na Nua should not wait.

Hi, I’m not Mr. O’Neill

I’m integrating the blog and Twitter so this is just a quick post to see if this new attempt works.

You can follow him at http://twitter.com/lstephenoneill

- Jeffery

Hi, I’m not Mr. O’Neill

I’m integrating the blog and Twitter so this is just a quick post to see if the Twitter plugin works.

You can follow him at http://twitter.com/lstephenoneill

- Jeffery

I’ve been away, though I’m not sure anyone has noticed.  (poor me : (. . . )  My writing time is pretty limited and I’ve spent it on Writing.com instead of here on my own blog.  We shall see if it was profitable.

Here is a link to my WDC Portfolio which contains some stuff from this site.  What I have spent most of my time doing, so far, is reviewing other writers.  I am chagrined at how my own work has suffered, or perhaps languished is a better word.  Hopefully I can rectify that.

By the way, another milestone is fast approaching and I will not complete my first draft online novel, the Abbot and the Djinn in time for my birthday.  This is a fact, cold and hard and depressing.  I wouldn’t have finished it if I hadn’t spent time on WDC but I am depressed at . . .

. . . growing old and having grown old.  There is no undoing it.  I have felt that I am writing to the wind here and though people seem to appreciate my reviews on WDC it has not translated as I’d hoped.  The wind still blows, yes, the wind blows.

I guess that’s enough.  I’ve taken to exhorting in my reviews “Keep writing.  Don’t stop writing.”  And so, having stopped in my quest to create Tir na Nua, I will begin again.  I will not stop, though it blows.  The wind, I mean.

LSO

I’ve been doing this “BLOG” for over a year now.  Last Friday, as I saved after making a couple of changes to a recent post, my entire corpus disappeared.  That’s right, all 90 plus posts ceased to be. 

I have to say that I wasn’t overly concerned at first.  I thought that Word Press might just have gone down and when the server returned from maintenance or whatever all would be well.  That did not occur.  My concern/disquiet/fear rose a bit.  I was confronted with the possibility that everything that I’d written would be lost and I started to scramble to see if I had copies of some of the articles.  The answer was mostly no.

I have to confess to other emotions too.  One that might surprise you was a certain amount of relief.  Really Steve?  Relief?  Yes, because I have to say that some of this stuff is just not up to what I hope I can do. 

But there is SO much work to do.  Work on the writing, work on the layout, work on myself.  The last is incredibly daunting.  And really, what is the point?  I haven’t exactly caught on.  I think I know why that is too.  I’m not that good.

Still, if not particularly good, I am writing.  Though I’ve not captured an enormous following that just means that fewer people know what a horrible speller and grammarian I am.  Then too, having had few visitors and fewer commenters guarantees that there are a vast host of people who have not come across my scratchings, evaluated me, and then discarded my work as not worth the time it takes to read.

It was freeing to think I might have to start again.

OH!  There it all is.  Thanks Jeff

Well, everything is back.  I’ve lost nothing.  But I have realized impermanence.  I’ve experienced it.  I am curious to see how it affects me. 

LSO

PS. I did take the time today to go though and make a personal copy of all that has gone before.  I am still thinking about what starting over would have meant and what it might mean.